Some of my thoughts on introspection, prefaced with a note about my style and the importance T-W has to me

This was intended for a forum im am a co-moderator on and it is a general forum for anyone, so i haven't made this as complex as i would if it were for a specialised forum or written for here, much of tyranny watch is composed of emails, posts on forums, msn conversations that i have written which are important to me and which hold some spiritual or philosophical value to me.

until recently i had no idea that anyone read this little blog of mine, with the millions of blogs out there and the fact i don't appear on google i expected no one to read this, it really is mostly a collection of my thoughts and things that are important to me as due to problems i wont discuss here my memory is degenerating; both short and long term, and i write these when i have moments of clarity for if in the future my memory goes completely and im a blank i have something to remind me of what i once had, although even now i see how frustrating it is to read what i write on here without really knowing how i did it as these days i have short bursts of inspiration then blankness where i can barely think, this is mighty frustrating because this is so important to me.
i could lose all my limbs but if i got my memory back it would be wonderful.

so this is a memory chest, a shout to the world, a spanner in the system, a note book for maybe something bigger, a book or an E-book perhaps.
it is also whatever you want it to be too, im making this for me really and i didn't know how much i have bared of myself and how much of my soul i have put into this blog until it was attacked and after seeing how much that hurt i realised how much of me there is on this blog. there's only one other person in the world who knows me as well as tyranny watch readers do and that's my good friend 'kathryn' with whom i share everything and whom i love immensely, y'all know me very well philosophically i mean, i don't let much of my personal side out, except in bits and pieces; but my philosophy on life is still a huge part of me, so i ask you to treat this blog with respect, the same way one wouldn't storm into someone's house and start shouting at them i ask you to treat this blog with respect to as i have bared my soul here.

also a note, you will notice i regularly miss A's out, this is because i have an old keyboard i got off someone for £3 and the a key works whenever it wants to, so my spelling is at it's mercy.

also when i am in my precious moments of flowing thought (and whether you think this blog is drivel that's up to you, im not saying that what i write is anything special or 'the truth' but to me these moments where my mind is free are very precious) i don't like to stop and correct my spelling, punctuation, grammar, syntax or anything like that as i feel this interrupts my thoughts and i can lose them, get side tracked or not fully express them, it slows down the flow of ideas.

these are also not meant as academic or articles worthy of publishing, while i have the bits of paper required to be in publishing or similar field i am not writing these for tyranny watch most of the time, i just write personal emails, things i've said on msn, things i've said on forums and if i think they're worthy of keeping i'll copy and paste them to here, this is how my last one was done...hence i don't have any hyperlink references or referral to news articles, as they're usually just casually written and i see TW as my scrap book, so i just paste them to here, there's not many people who would write their personal emails or diary entry's with reverenced hyperlinks.

I also don't reference them as when i write something i will only write about some information i have personally seen, verified and then moved on, there is much information i cannot find the source for anymore as at one time i was reading to simply educate myself and no one else so i felt all i needed to do was verify the information to myself and go onto the next thing without taking notes as i never planned to do anything like this and i was covering huge amounts of material in a very short time, but i do remember reading what i say and personally verifying it so i will say it anyway, if its one of my own thoughts i will say so sometimes, but in the previous article i was asked by a friend to just tell them what i think, so that is what i did; its my opinion so you can believe or disbelieve anything you wish, i don't claim its the truth but it's my truth, and i believe the world would be a better place if we all aired our truths.
i ask no one to believe me and that is not what i am doing here, i didn't know until the other day that i ever had readers, i am frankly flattered that out of all the websites and blogs out there y'all chose to read my ramblings and thoughts And that they were interesting enough to warrant reading. so to anyone who reads this blog i thank you for your time and would appreciate any input you would like to donate, baring in mind however just how much this blog and the thoughts therein mean to me.
there is still a human being sitting behind this screen, and i have bared some very precious things to me that would cause me a lot of pain if they were attacked, this is not to censor what you say, but bare that in mind.
i think the internet depersonalises interaction and we forget sometimes that there is a person creating these words and that we should bare in mind how we treat others on the internet and consider whether we would treat them in the same manner as real life.
for many folks personal blogs like this and the internet in general can be very personal and intimate as it is in their home and the anonymity can paradoxically encourage people to show themselves more than they would in the physical world, flame me if you wish but...would you go into someone's home and start humiliating, insulting and being rude to that person?
then why do so online?

Anyhow, enough of my waffle...on with the show!

"exactly...yes, recently i have realised that you cannot be certain of anything in this world except your own mind, soul and understanding, from an epistemological, factual or any point of view you care to pick you can never fully be certain of anything except who you are.

the way to become 'enlightened' or contented in any way is to know yourself, know your motivations, why you do things, who you react to things a certain way, why you have certain problems, why you feel so low, look back and reanalyse your life and really look at why you do what you do...until you bring into the conscious mind these mostly deep subconscious drives you'll never figure yourself out or sort out why you do these things and maybe try to address and overcome them.
i think you can only do this with long long periods of solitary introspection and analysis, including the removal of external stimuli such as books, tv, music, games ... and yes the internet.

that's not to say you cant use these ever, but if you're to get anywhere long periods of introspection are needed because basically external influences outside of you are other peoples thoughts and they clutter and get melded in with your own, so to truly do this long long periods of deep introspection and true solitude are needed to ever understand yourself, and if you never understand yourself...how do you ever hope to truly understand the world around you?
i think we need this for our sanity, we are bombarded in our culture by endless external media, which are basically thoughts that are not our own, people even become reliant on these things to think for them and to entertain them cause by themselves they feel blank and unable to think...i know because i feel like this sometimes too, we just don't like to admit that this is what it does.

we spend all our time rushing about like blue arse flies going out to places, consuming various types of media and working ourselves into an early heart attack and we think by all this activity that we're living...when i think to be truly sentient we need to really understand who we are at a core deepest level, which cant be achieved by simply ignoring who you are and rushing about slaving or getting your toys in reward for slaving.
it is my theory that it is this bombardment of the mind from every avenue that prevents us from really truly engaging in deep introspection and causes us (for much of our life sometimes) to just repress all of this and trample all over it and i have a feeling this could be the cause of much mental illness out there, we repress so much that we should be confronting in the conscious mind that it manifests in various illnesses and such, we're not in balance when we repress these things and when something's repressed it will always try to find a way to get out.

Whether i believe mental illnesses exist as definable and lable-able diseases is another thing too as i believe the non chemically induced ones are very often due to complete media saturation of the human mind which results in no self analysis and as such represses and pushes aside things that need to be addressed, if something extremely emotionally crippling happens thjese days people are more likely to drown it in drugs and tv than take it appart and see exactly what happened and why, which may lead them to understand themselvs better and even resolve these things so it doesnt repeat itself in the future, all events in life are a chance to learn something about ourselvs.
i believe we have ultimate free will to shape our destinies and we have the ability to confront out deep 'demons' you could call them that lead us to behave in certain ways without us realising, if we never confornt these and assess them then they will lead us to the same circumstances over and over as we have ultimate control over our lives...but i say 'we' as a whole being, including the levels of us we have not yet bought to conscopis recognition but that still affect how we behave, it is again however our choice whether we address them and try to understand and resolve them and break the pattern or choose to avoid them and ignore them with all this media, work, gadgets and drugs until we potenially go bonkers.
Which would be a very possible reaction to having the same situations repeat themselvs whilst running away from who we are.

In terms of other chemically induced mental illness i believe much autism and similar illnesses are caused by innoculations, i have personal experience of this with my father, soon after he got the small pox jab as a child he developed aspergers syndrome, plus widespread scientific and statistical data seems to correlate to this"